#swerve x reader

[just-a-moray-eel]

On my 'spreading Swerve propaganda' mood again.

I feel like Swerve would be the type to get embarrassed at even the most subtle shows of just purely sincere affection from his partner.

Like, his speech/breath will stutter if he notices you looking at him too long. He will not be able to meet your eyes if you focus too intently on him while he's telling his stories. Primus forbid you stare at his face while he's doing something or talking to someone else, just admiring his face fondly while smiling. His processor will actually crash. Don't tell him he's pretty out of nowhere, he deserves the praise but he might go into stasis.

[imma-soft-beeboy]

Do you think Cybertronians would like Disney Cars and Planes? I imagine human Reader is having a movie night and just showing of movies from their childhood

A/N: I used this as a palette cleanser in between stories to write a few headcanons. Because everything I'm working on is in depth/angsty. Also you didn't say which bot so I did Swerve. Enjoy!

Swerve x Reader - Movie Night Headcanons

During the war Swerve only spent a short time online on Earth (short for Cybertronians that is). You have to remember canonically they weren't powered on until the 80s...

So for him he only got to consume/interact with human media between 1980-2003 meaning if it's after 2003 he never watched it

Seeing as how the first Cars movie was made in 2006 he never saw it or any of the movies after, in fact he never even knew they existed until you came along and showed him

He honestly thought he had seen it all. He had watched Hocus Pocus, The Outsiders, Breakfast Club, Sandlot, The Neverending Story, Jurassic Park, Gremlins, Top Gun, Beetlejuice, The Lion King, Ghost Busters, 101 Dalmatians.

"Okay okay I get it Swerve, you seen every other movie but Cars," you cut off his rambling. You loved him to pieces but he was a motormouth for sure

"Not just movies! I watch TV too! I really like King of the Hill, Law & Order, Full House, Sex and the City, Friends... honestly I wonder how that one ended–"

"Swerve," you clapped you hands together "focus."

"Right sorry, your cars movie."

"What I was saying was I think you'd get a kick out of it Swervey, we should get it."

Swerve personally didn't wanna shell out the money to Swindle for the data slug of the movie... but you looked so excited about it and you used that nickname he couldn't resist

So here you two were now hosting a mini-movie night with Rewind, Chromedome, and Tailgate.

Everyone was comfy & had their own beloved movie snacks

You plugged in the data slug with a smirk because you had told them nothing about the movie, you wanted to see their honest reactions

Meanwhile the bots were expecting a liveaction or educational movie about human cars... not this

Swerve dropped his energon snacks, Tailgate spit his juice out BECAUSE WHAT DO MEAN THIS MOVIE WAS ABOUT ANTHROPOMORPHIC CARS?!

Rewind is cackling because what a fucking fast one you had just pulled... you fucking mastermind (he's for sure recording this because why not make future historians watch this?)

"Why does this make me mildly uncomfortable," Chromedome piped up pushing his snack away.

"I mean they were so close yet so far," Swerve responded watching the movie like he was watching a train-wreck (with morbid curiosity)

"Why..." Tailgate sighed looking at you

"I was bored... and honestly it's not a bad movie," you chuckled going back to watching 'Cars'

[cherryo]

how some Mechs react to you carrying inanimate objects like a baby

I thought this would be cute, I've always held things like a baby even if it doesn't fit like a baby would. idk why i do this, ive done it since i was a baby myself, probably just thought my mom was cool for carrying my sisters and me <3

let me know if yall want other characters for this scenario

Pairing: Bumblebee, Vortex, First Aid, Swerve

Word count: ..

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy and intimate moments, so somewhat suggestive

Bumblebee 

-Absolutely spoons over you, honestly if you don't want to be sparked don't do this in front of him 

-Wants to test the theory that humans can get pregnant by bots,,,,,will be all over you

-I lowkey think Bee has a thing for pregnant women, more so you. If he can get you round and happy with his sparkling, dear Primus, you are in for it

-He'd give you as many sparkling as you can handle, Ratchet has to give him a warning about sparking you

-He thinks its adorable though, questions you if there's a reason you do it (ie if its easier to carry things like that, less pressure on your back )

-When you respond that you've always done it, his spark flutters. Adores you and everything about you

First Aid

-Dear lord you'll have this bot on his hands and knees sobbing about how cute it is

-You came into the med bay with coffee for him and carrying a box on your hip, once giving the coffee to him, he expects you to readjust

-You do, just to hold the box more on your hip, he's surprised honestly expected you to move it so you'd be holding it with both hands

-Questions you about it, Ratchet points out that you're holding it like a baby, Primus help yall because he can't stop cooing over you about it

-Ratchet just groans when you shoot him a glare, realizing that's all he'll hear about for a good two weeks

-First Aid wants to cradle YOU like a baby now, alas Ambulon put a no pda sign up

It wasnt your fault Drift and Ratchet cant find a habsuite.

-He decides to wait till you two were alone to show you how he really felt

Vortex

-At first didnt notice and didnt care, he didnt pay much attention to you

-It's only when Swindle points it out, meaning it as a jab towards you, does he notice you carry most things like a sparkling

-He's confused why his spark is thumping so hard and why his blades are jumping every time he see you carry something 

-I don't think Vortex sees a future where he has sparklings, at all, but now he does

-He hopes humans can carry sparklings because he's about to make it happen

-He'll bring it up any time you guys are intimate, cooing how adorable it is that you're preparing to carry his sparkling, how hot it will be to see you all round and showing that you're his

Swerve

-He'd asked you to help him carry some stuff across the bar, it was some of his human media and collectors items

-One thing happened to be a stuff animal, setting it on your hip you traversed the counter top of the bar 

-He watched you as you waddle along, plush on your hip and items dangling in your other hand, his faceplate heated up

-You looked like a mother taking care of your baby, his baby, yalls baby

-That could make the minibot himself just drop to the floor, Primus he loves you so much

-He's another one that brings it up during an intimate moment, gushing about being a father and a parent with you, how he wants to see his sparkling in your arms

-He would do anything to make it happen

[runicarbiter02]

I’m sure this is a very common take, but I haven’t had any motivation to write fandom stuff lately, so I wanted to get this little bit down while I had the inspiration

—

Being the human partner of a Cybertronian, any Cybertronian really, and turning this huge, hulking, intimidating bot into a giant mechanical cat with some gentle touches, some kisses, and sweet words. Standing on your bot’s shoulder, gently stroking a hand over their cheekplate, and listening to that earthshaking rumble of their engine as they purr. Your bot gently nudging you with their cheek or nose when you stop, silently insisting the continued touch and affectionate words. Your bot mass displacing and crawling into your bed, arranging pillows on your lap before laying their head down and promptly falling into a well deserved recharge. (Let’s pretend that they wouldn’t shatter the bed frame just by putting a little weight on it, lmao-) Your bot trying to teach you chirolinguistics, not realizing that you don’t have the same kinds of sensors in your palm as they do, leaving you incredibly confused. Your bot relishing in the tiny flickers of unabashed emotion they get from your very weak organic EM field. Singing softly to your bot, only for them to croon one of their favorite Cybertronian tunes right back, and the both of you giggling over just how vastly different your music is from each other’s. Your bot trying to teach you the Cybertronian language, and you trying to teach them about human art/literature/philosophy/etc. You and your bot being soft and cute and fluffy. Send tweet 🏃‍♀️💨

—

I hope you don’t mind me tagging you, but you’re the one who motivated me to get back into writing!!! This lil drabble certainly isn’t my best work, but it’s the most I’ve done in awhile, haha @revelboo

[xaythefreak]

So- yandere swerve anyone?

I don't know which I prefer, him yapping readers ear off extra hard because he likes you so much, or him being so nervous he's actually quite for once because he really doesn't want to screw this up and make you dislike him

AUGH YES!!!

stupid lil guy who only shuts up for you <333

he clingy as SHIT too, like, physically, like if you let him he WILL be attached to your hip for as long as you allow him

desperate little bastard to I imagine he jorks it to your stolen underwear, you just smell so good and he's so horny <333

[robolvrr]

f-r-e-a-k !‿⁠✷｡✧

lost light members react to human porn (and develop some preferences of their own.)

ft. skids! megatron! rodimus! swerve! ultra magnus!

nsfw under the cut.

rodimus prime - top-five ranked

when he first heard actual, genuine human content had reached aboard his ship, he had quickly formed a half-assed meeting to announce that he, of course, being captain and all should review with ultra magnus.. and perhaps rewind too, before dispersing it out to the crew.

of course when ultra magnus expressed his surprise at this new leaf turned, eager to scour through intergalactic protocol he simply let one word out the other audial and made some grave, grammatical errors to distract the mech and let the captain do his own decision making.

he spends a lot of time nitpicking. he doesn't like movies as much so he reserves those to swerve nor does he care too much about books.

a functioning computer however....

he's bored. and curious. two demons that never dwell well together in the same room.

clearing browser history? never heard of that!

good thing the previous owner has lots of bookmarks, because he finds it infinitely easier to sift through links there than carefully type.

"porn...hub? what's that? must be some kinda uh.. uhhh... uh."

cue the fan whirring. he's hunched over and slack jawed, staring at the frankly color-clashing archive and almost pushing himself away when the cursor hovers over a video - and the humans in it start moving.

clicked the first video with a bold "#1 ranked". he really shouldn't. he really, really should just toss this tempting contraband out the nearest garbage disposal.

"unhh! harder! haaarder! ♡"

he's focused hard on the spike - cock, he learns, or dick, humans got lots of funny terms - ruts rough into you, forcing you to melt forward and squeak through sheets.

the loud, exaggerated moans make him pitifully decide otherwise. imagine him, all weak in the knees, sliding down to sit as he watches transfixed.

flesh on flesh hitting sounds a lot better when it's this and not fighting.

sooner or later, he's huffing into his servo, jacking off his spike and squeezing the tip so rough he's almost jealous seeing you bouncing away. you'd be so, so fragging soft. he can imagine squeezing your limbs and twisting you around to his liking.

overloads fast. he's almost ashamed enough to be embarrassed.

now? can't reach his climaxes unless there's some raunchy, wet-coated squeals in his memory banks. doesn't bother searching up anything because he doesn't have the patience to cultivate. you just happen to be at the top so he gladly sticks watching your holes get sticky any cycle.

skids - playboy bunny

"oh for prime's sake, chromedome don't make me feel like i'm trading for somethin' illegal."

won a "mystery stash" from a late night gamble. of course, not all of rodimus's finds stayed quiet.

he isn't sure why it's such a big deal. the cardboard box which spills open easily under a digit's care isn't filled with weaponry or bombs.

it's almost funny, this giant picking up a magazine in a pinch, helm tilted and keeping it an arm's distance away like the pages might bite.

he looks at the front cover for a long, long time.

his processor isn't catching up. then he squints. gets reaaaaal close.

there's you! all dolled up, as the humans would say. except you're really not, because half of your squishy aft is out, and your servos are covering up your chest but aren't doing a good job.

neither is the bright, blue bow christened at your pelvic area, where he realizes with a jolt is lacking any modesty panels of any kind.

flips a page. oh, it's you again. curved over a lounge. cheekily spreading yourself with a... gathering of lace twisted around your frame.

another one. you got something round in your mouth. he looks carefully at your lips.

and then he's flipping through all of it, and digging into the box and oh, he's found a jackpot because it's all you.

now he understands why it's got the markered "collectors items" on the side. he doesn't question too much when he spits lubricant down onto his spike. dedicated some of that cotton candy gossamer all over your february edition of playboy in approval.

megatron - classic erotica

a true mech of literature. now, unlike many of the lost light, he's had his run in with humanity before. not that he particularly got or wanted to enjoy their culture back then.

though when he did find his way back onto a possible path of redemption, he did indulge once upon a time.

at his spark, he's a poet. a linguist. enjoyer of golden age, art and craftsmanship.

earthen literature has its.. moments. he reads novellas and lost to the history manuscripts, plays, all of which have almost all been uploaded to more convenient means as upkeep for the paper is a pain.

however, he has found one book. a funny looking book, with a funny looking cover.

he observes, rigidly, the scandalous embrace of what he assumed to be the characters, how clothing lacked in areas it shouldn't and skin was almost.. glistening. "seven nights of passion." a chuff left his dermas.

ah, to pit with it. why not?

megatron finds himself slowly involved with the chapters despite the comedy of its advertisement. the writer, you, no doubt under a penname, push development shockingly far.. for a human.

and the intimacy? interfacing? so descriptive. while he has not seen what he is reviewing, he can imagine it. images of sweaty bodies, grinding and yearning and crying.

cybertronians have no reason or function to. the thought of a human, pushed to the brink overloaded with stimulation is... stimulating.

it is a shame when it comes to an end but he might in his free-time peruse for more. leaves his plating warm and intake dry.

the authors note suggests that your inspiration drives from personal experience.

his ... array fizzles at that. fascinating.

swerve - r-rated movie night

"wowza. that's hh. haha. woah! they all do that.. ?"

first movie he flipped onto the projector was supposed to be an "action and feel-good film with hints of romance, angst and sci-fi elements."

not even halfway through, you, the imaginary captain of the imaginary "roman's ravager" have your uniform shimmied down to your ankles, mouth mashing against your supposed rival, who everyone has been heckling for the past forty-five minutes.

some of the mechs cheer, other grumble and argue to skip, others squirm and grimace. swerve watched you push the other down, head tilting back as the camera zooms to your face.

"it's just acting, ya' degenerates, stop acting like protoforms!"

it isn't until he feels a servo smack upside his helm that he starts fumbling for the remote. too much noise but now he's getting a comm from mags asking about what the rackets for so! fast forward he goes.

at 1x.

while the chaos starts to settle, he peeks between digits. catches glimpses of your open mouth. the goosebumps down your chest. how you shake at the insinuation that someone is between your legs, servicing.

slag. when's the last time he's even played with his valve?

movie night was a hit regardless of the commotion. he has to clean up after, which thankfully didn't result in any expelled energon or skid-marks.

that also means he's alone. alone, in his bar. all by himself, staring at the rest of the discs with your pictures on the front, credits humming in the background.

it'll be good for the economy. (all of it is pirated.)

maybe it's for the best. because now, he's realizing you really are a great actor, in lots of different genres, able to adapt and really grab his attention.

it's not as if his spark pulses seeing you in costumes, or using that soft voice you do in all your roles when you make a point.

not like he's riding his digits and crunching into a fist when you're running on the beach, sand dappled and leaving little to imagination.

ends up on his back, charged up and shaking. hurts to speak, to move or to dab up the puddle of transfluid, laughing deliriously when his panels are even too much effort to close.

ultra magnus - audio praise

"you're doing such a good job. you're perfect. you know that, right? yes you do, so good for me."

when he first heard you, he damn near crushes the auditory device and full-blown shudders in the confines of his hab. he's sputtering, optics wide and there's a million reasons he should report this to rodimus and question just what he's given him.

"to help ya uh... research? take the edge off pal."

half-contemplates storming back to the bridge himself if it weren't for your sugar-coated mumbles still coming through the unpaused recording.

you'd think he was dealing with a ticking blast with how he warily handles the device, gruffly spitting out curses that he'd otherwise never allow in crew vicinity.

"i want you to reward yourself. you earned it, honey. can you do that for me? here, listen."

to his horror - and crumbling interest - a slick cacophony of sound rattles in his helm. there's panting, a shift of material that he assumes is tangled around you and frag, he's able to think up you and a thousand faces.

what's worse? is he's hypnotized. you don't demand. you coo to him, just loud enough to let him know you'd be broken too. if he let himself let down that wall, just for the twenty minutes you sing in his audials, he'll know it's done with you just as weak.

"g—gooood job ahhhh!" that does it. ultra magnus groans, shutting off his optics entirely. his large servo feels up along his frame as you suggest.

"i wish you were here. hah.. mmn! could see me. see me fucking myself to you. let you kiss me. you deserve it, sweetie. deserve me on you."

magnus and the sobbed growl to his motors reminds him just how lonely he's felt. always monitoring. always stressed. hearing the spit collect at your throat as your commands grow hoarse makes you feel real.

would you... would you kiss him? would you let him pick you up, rest you flat on his servo and have his glossa lap up your want?

he towers over nearly all. having a partner so much smaller, tinier than even an minibot, shouldn't run up a charge but it does.

he overloads when he's sticking digits near the casing of his spark, ignoring the spurts of pre sizzling down his thighs.

"w-was that as fun.. for you as it was for me?"

dazedly falls onto his berth. this isn't leaving his dermas unless he's had a drink.

a/n : a little haha funny idea i had. there's just something so funny thinking of these giant old robots realizing just how much porn is out there.

[revelboo]

So..when does the lost light crew build a cat highway for all the humans so no one gets stepped on xD?

I had to google to see what that was and I’m dying. Ultra Magnus absolutely would, but he’d add things like rope bridges and swinging steps as a combined enrichment/exercise effort that ends up making most of the humans miserable. Bots just finding humans stranded in weird places because they don’t want to climb over rope netting to get to the next section- Magnus has inflicting American Ninja Warrior style obstacles on the humans in a very misguided attempt to keep them entertained.

MTMTE Scenarios- Enrichment

Whirl x Reader

• “You know it’d be a lot easier if you just let me carry you. Though I do love watching the struggle,” Whirl says, head tipping to watch as you try to swing the step you’re standing on close enough to the next dangling step to grab it. “So close. Actually, no. You’re nowhere near making it.” Annoyance and pure spite the only things motivating you to keep trying as you swear under your breath. That and not getting carted around at the end of his swinging arm. Who carries something fragile like that? But after almost falling twice, you’re about ready to admit defeat. Can’t figure out why the bots had thought this was a good idea. Sure giving you and others a means to get around without risking getting stepped on was a good idea in theory, but then it had turned into enrichment. Grabbing for the cable on the next step, you miss and scream as you lose your balance, grabbing and wrapping yourself around the step you’d been standing on so you’re upside down dangling under it and clinging for dear life as Whirl howls with laughter.

Drift x Reader

• “I think that’s a bit ambitious,” Drift murmurs, frowning as you study the walkway designed to allow the humans safe access to the ship. Most of it seems to be ramps and bridges built against the wall, but some sections are a bit more intensive. Like the series of bars meant to be crossed by a human dangling underneath and swinging hand over hand. He has nothing but confidence in you, but you’re also going nowhere near that mess. Not when he can just carry you where you need to go. Venting at your tired ‘looks fun,’ he smiles faintly. You know as well as he does that you’re not up to that, but there’s a note of longing in your voice that makes his spark ache.

Megatron x Reader

• Venting as tension strings him tight, he watches you tense, fingers flexing on the handle before you’re backing up as much as the pulley will allow and running to fling yourself, spinning and screaming as he lunges after you, spark constricting. Almost stepping on Swerve in an effort to keep his cupped hands under you, terrified you’ll fall. And as soon as your feet hit the next platform, he’s scooping you up as you look up at him, grinning and face flushed. His spark unable to take this. “Megs,” you whine in protest as he carries you off.

Swerve x Reader

• “You good there?” Because he’s not. Watching you holding onto a narrow ledge and sliding your little feet carefully along it is killing him. Understands wanting to be self reliant, but this is ridiculous. If you fall and he’s going to lodge a complaint with Ultra Magnus. Maybe kick him in the knee. “I’d be happy to carry you.” Please let him carry you. Swears his spark has almost stopped twice watching you when your feet have slid on the ledge. Even if you don’t fall, he’s going to kick Magnus for this.

[peachypede]

Yapper x yapper for swerve? Or him getting smooches? If you wanna!!

Anything for you, Ren 😘 We love a good yapper x yapper

[drabbletron]

just read through your post where you were tagged to lay out all of your wips and was SOO excited to see the mass amount of swerve fics in the lineup,,., had to go outside and lay in the grass for a second bc i got so excited

i love your worksd so bad and am thrilled to see how they all come out :3333

I'd like to definitely go back and work on those because those are when I was first coming back to my blog. A few of them are mainly just dialog from what I remember. I may do another poll after the Alt Mode Sex poll for Swerve exclusively since I know there's plenty of interest. It'll probs be a selection of all my previous and current WIPs to pick from and you may or may not get a small description for each.

And yes, make sure to touch grass every now and again. I always forget and develop roots where I'm sitting in my office chair lol

[just-a-moray-eel]

So, I was just checking out some Transformers IDW stuff, and I come across that moment of Overlord with Rewind.(actually verbally yelled 'NOOOO' at it, especially when Overlord taunted Chromedome. Overlord you bastard, this is why I love you, fuck you.)

But anyways, putting aside that absolute gut wrench. I realised how much bigger bots like Overlord are compared to minibots. And my thoughts immediately went to a Swerve x Reader, but with their size difference just being the same as Overlord and Rewind. As in, the Reader could grip Swerve like a doll in one servo.

And you know what? Swerve wooed that giant/giantess with all his cute, awkward, minibot charm. That giant/giantess is now his beloved spouse that greets him like a giant housewife once he returns to their habsuite.

(Swerve, looking at the absolute unit he managed to bag)

[uselessmicrowave]

AMICA SPARK BONDING WITH SWERVE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAA

Swerve hugs onto and around your chassis, fitting snugly in between your arms and stabilizers. “Is- is this okay? I’ve never- well of course I haven’t-”

You put your helm on his shoulder, making you feel even closer to him. “It’s good, Swerve.”

“Are you sure about this?” he says after a quiet moment of closeness. “I know I’m not the best sparkmate material…”

“Never been more sure about anything.” you hug him tighter, it already feels like you’re sparks are swirling together. They could’ve been, for all you know. The little pinpricks of happiness and euphoria makes it hard to tell.

You slide your chassis armor out of the way, Swerve follows your actions, exposing two bright sparks, the closeness forces them to touch.

No other feeling in any universe would ever feel as good as seeing Swerve’s giddy smile when you look at his faceplates.

[cherryo]

NSFW alphabet for Swerve

heres a nsfw alphabet for my precious angel Swervy <333

Pairing:  Lost Light Swerve x fem!Human! reader

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: creampie, swerves a bit of a perve, mention of sparklings lol, not betaread so expect misspellings

SWERVE!!!! MY PRECIOUS ANGELLLLL

A- Aftercare (what theyre like afterwards)

CUDDLEBUG!!!! Oh my god but hes also soooooo shy, and brain dead! He’s used all his energy on making you feel good!! Regardless, he still takes care of you and makes sure that you are cleaned up and comfortable <3

B- Body (what their favorite body part is of themselves and their partner)

His fav of his body, i would say his servos? He can use them to make you feel fantastic!!

His favorite part of you, is definitely your thighs and tummy!! Theyre just so soft, and he cant get enough of feeling the soft and squishiness of you  

C - Cum (anything to do with cum)

While he does love a good creampie, he loves overloading on you!! The view of you being covered in his transfluid, the pink gooey substance covering every part that he can reach does absolute wonders to his spike <3

D- Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

As bad as it makes him feel, he loves catching you off guard when youre changing or coming out of the shower. The squeal you make and the way your body looks is enough to make his cooling fans start up on their own. He’s not sure how you feel about it but he keeps trying to catch you off guard till you say something ( you dont, youre aware but enjoy the situation) 

Panty thief, lowkey loves taking your panties and using them when you’re not around to help him out

He can overload just from you moaning his name but he doesnt want you to know that </3

E- Experience (how experienced they are)

Id like to say he’s got experience with other bots, but not so much humans

Although its not too much of a different anatomy, it’s so much softer and wetter. He’s somewhat scared of hurting you and losing control over his needs

F- Favorite position

Probably mating press and doggy but where you’re full on you belly, mating press because he wants to give you a sparkling soooooooo badly and doggy because you’re so much tighter like that

G-Goofy (how serious or goofy they are during the moment)

I think he’s silly but mostly pussydrunk so not thinking straight enough to joke

H-Hair (how groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes)

Uuuhhhhhhh, his spike has biolights and its absolutely gorgeous 

I- Intimacy (how are they during the moment? The romantic aspect of it)

The first time yall interfaced, he was enamored and probably had been waiting for this moment for a really long time, so he tried his best to make it sooo sweet and romantic. He didnt quite succeed because the second his spike even touched your thighs he overloaded, getting it all over your chest. He was super embarrassed but honestly soo turned on

J-Jackoff (how often do they masturbate?)

A lot. He does it any chance he can and you’re not there to help him out

Id say like 10 to 15 times a week !

K-Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Breeding: holy shit he wants to give you a sparkling so bad, he loves seeing your hole leaking his transfluid <3333

I lowkey think he’s into role-playing, like he’s probably seen something from an 80s movie that he found and thinks its soooooo romantic

I think he’s into voyeurism, he finally has someone to take care of and make feel good and i think he’d want other people to know (he’s so embarrassed to actually want to set it up ) 

L-Location (their favorite place to do it)

ANYWHERE, ANYTIME!!!!!

He’s into it anywhere, but mainly yalls Habsuite and the backroom of his bar <3

M-Motivation (what gets them going? What turns them on?)

He loves you so much, he doesnt need anything specific to turn him on, but if you touch his face or rub your hands against his arm, hes done for

N-No (something they wouldnt do)

He wouldnt want other bots to fuck you, he’s so protective and also insecure.

I think he’d be worried youd end up like whichever bot had fucked you ( he’s not aware of just how INLOVE you are with him</3)

O-Oral (do they like head? Giving or receiving more?)

YESSSS HE LOVES IT !!!!!!! he loves when you give him head!

Hes more of a giver than a receiver, hes the type of bot to want you to cum soo much on his glossa before he even lets you try to pleasure him.

P-Pace (are they going rough and fast? Slow and sensual?)

I think at first slow and sensual, eventually you both want it harder and rougher

Sometimes he just cant help himself and he goes really hard, but he makes sure to tend to you afterwards. He’s just so pussydrunk and wont you give him just one more orgasm???

Q- Quickie (their opinions, how often)

Oooooh all the time, the backroom of the bar has seen yall interface more times than yalls habsuite

He loves loves loves it, loves how you have to keep up your composure in front of all the other bots that are around

R-Risk (are they game to experiment?do they take the risk?)

I think he’s open to most things, and he likes public sex a lot so id think he likes taking risks a lot!

S-Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

Okay,,,, so he’s got stamina for DAYYYYYSSSS,,,,, however he does not last long!! This bot just feels so overwhelmed so often that overloading too early is such a common thing for him </3 but you dont care, its quite a compliment to you!

T-Toys (do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

I dont think he likes toys, the type of bot to think that he’s not giving you enough pleasure to keep you satisfied if you need to use a stupid toy ://

U-Unfair (how much they like to tease )

Hes an involuntary tease, he’ll frag your thighs for so long, just basking in how soft they are!! He just cant help it, he doesnt realize that if he just went a little lower that hed be in you.

His spike keeps hitting you in spots that makes you see stars even before he’s in you

V-Volume (how loud are they, what sounds do they make?)

In private, LOUD AS FUCKKKKK

In public, he can keep a handle on his voice

He’s a whiny baby who just does nothing but beg for your thighs and mouth and pussy and please let him fuck you!! He promises it'll be good

W-Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

I think while yes he loves when you’re fully naked and can see your entire body, what can really get him going is when you wear loose clothin and he see just the smallest glimpse of your skin <3333 if you wear just a big tshirt and panties, he’s all over you 

X-X-ray (lets see whats going on under those clothes)

I think he’s got a CHUBBBBBYYYYY spike, id say around 8inches but soooooooooo chubby

Its mostly white but with some biolights going from the bottom side of his spike to his tip, red stripes on both sides of his biolights

Y-Yearning ( how high is their sex drive?)

This bot needs you 24/7!!! Even if he has to leave for his bar before you wake up, he’ll stand over you just trying his best not to pounce on you

Z-ZZZ (how fast do they fall asleep after?)

I think because he’d go for soooo long the second hes done and youre taken care of he’s immediately out to recharge <3

[earthsparked]

There were a lot of sideways looks and mechs falling silent whenever anyone brought up the former Decepticon warlord around you. Even the former ‘cons who historically had a dim view of organics had learned your worth. If the sparkeater incident hadn’t done it, you sneaking onto the bridge through the air vents to stop an accidental self-destruct lockdown and saving everyone’s afts, most certainly had. But Megatron? He hadn’t been there for that.

Rodimus had been the one to say it.

The human is not to be left alone with him. I’m serious! He pointed at you specifically. Do not go near him. He can’t do much to us without his weapons and on a diet of fool’s energon, but one wrong move and we’re down a human. And good luck trying to get any new humans to sign on when they find out he’s on board. We are NOT losing you.

Nobody had actually bothered to ask how you felt about it. Except Rung, of course. And he’d gotten an audial-full from you.

By the time Megatron actually came on board, you’d already more or less decided your course of action. You hadn’t hidden away. You’d walked up to him and looked him in the optic from your enormously different perspectives.

Rodimus had tried to hastily nudge you behind himself with the toe of one of his pedes, but you’d sidestepped him.

You really weren’t sure you could keep the emotion out of your voice if you tried calling him Megatron. There was too much tied up in that name. Instead, you’d called him captain.

Welcome to the Lost Light, Captain. I’m the ship’s human. I’m here to provide services as needed.

And then you’d given him a polite nod and left and gone about your business. Your heart pounding in your chest. You’d felt how his red optics had followed you as Rodimus had jumped in to distract him.

You’d been a child when the worst of the fighting on earth had taken place, but that grey plating was nonetheless a part of the background radiation of the Cybertronians’ presence on your home planet in some early memories. The blurry video, the images in newspapers and on the news.

You knew exactly who he was. You knew exactly what he’d done. That he had not managed to exterminate your species, destroy your world, like he had so many other organic civilizations over the course of the war? You had no illusions that it was out of the goodness of his spark. It was because he’d failed.

Seeing him without his weapons was strange. Seeing him without his purple Decepticon sigil, bearing the red Autobot sigil instead, was even stranger. You had to get Brainstorm to confirm you hadn’t slipped into an alternate reality (again).

Chaos reigns as it always does, and before long you and everyone else gets distracted by the day to day realities of your quest. Megatron proves to be an entirely competent captain. The mechs rally to make sure you’re never alone with him. You spend a lot of time thinking. You wonder how long it will take before you stop flinching at the sound of his voice.

One night it’s really hopping in Swerve’s. Megatron is there, nursing his fool’s energon. You sip your whiskey and coke, and brood.

Finally you shake it off and pull out a credit chit. You push it across the bar to Swerve. You’d say you were getting his attention, but the guy always has at least one optic on you, as if you were a rockstar or somebody important. You weren’t anybody important back home. But you know who you are, and what you stand for.

Swerve, two cubes of the good stuff, please.

He has to cycle his systems, and then checks, Two…cubes..? Little guy, you know you can’t drink energon. Are you feeling okay?

You smile tightly and push the chit closer. Yes, I’m fine, Swerve. Thank you. I didn’t say I was going to drink them.

Oh! he exclaims, and awws at you. Aren’t you sweet! Buying a round for some friends?

He sets to getting the cubes and you wait until he places them down to answer.

No, not tonight. Could you get me another jack and coke, too, please?

You finish your drink and stand up, walking along the bar to where Megatron sits. You can’t even imagine what he’s thinking as you enter his immediate sensory range and his big grey head turns to regard you. You meet the same optics that were the last thing so many people - so many humans as well as mechs - ever saw.

Those are yours. You point to the cubes. They’re too big for me to lift. You’ll have to grab them.

And you thought his attention had been intense before. His gaze sharpens, and his smile is bitter.

Trying to get me killed, human? I admit, it’s rather clever as assassination attempts go. My former lieutenant could have learned a few lessons from you.

You snort and shake your head. I’m not a murderer. And if they wanted you dead after the trial, they should have executed you. But what they’re doing to you, isn’t punishment. This is cruelty. Go get your energon, Captain. It’s even more dangerous out here for a mech not in top condition. And, I’m told Swerve makes the best.

You turn and fight the urge to shudder. Despite your display of courage, you’re very frightened right now, and you know they can all feel it no matter how you try to hide it.

But the trembling anger and disgust is stronger.

Swerve tries to talk you down. In a hushed voice, glancing worriedly between the cubes and Megatron, who still hasn’t moved.

Hey - you can’t - I mean, kiddo, what are you doing? Have you forgotten who he is? What he’s done? This is for everyone’s safety. Especially yours.

You stubbornly sit down, and cradle your drink in your hands, refusing to look at anyone.

I know. I know why he’s here. But I think you may have forgotten why I am here.

Your voice loses its hesitation, becoming every bit as hard as any mech’s armor.

While I am on this ship, this is my ship. While you are on this ship, you are my mechs. While you are my mechs, I don’t let anyone hurt you. I don’t let my mechs starve. I don’t let other people starve my mechs, and call it justice.

You’d examined your contract very, very carefully. Given the nature of the relationship between the handful of humans willing to become ships’ humans, and the huge demand for you on the Cybertronian fleets, those contracts were both highly coveted by captains - and extremely tilted in your favor. Humans liked their independence, and didn’t like being given orders. Your contract reflected this.

Even Ultra Magnus wouldn’t be able to seal up this loophole.

I’m an independent contractor and technically not under Cybertron’s authority. There isn’t shit they can legally do to stop me. It’s not illegal for me to buy some energon and give it away.

Besides.

And if the powers that be don’t like it? What the hell are they going to do? If they wanted authority over him that bad, they could have kept him locked up somewhere they could enforce it.

You give a half-shrug, and toss back your human-sized drink. If anybody complains? Tell them it was me. I want them to know. Tell them to come talk to me. I have plenty to say, and I’d rather say it to their fucking faces.

There’s dead silence in the bar. A feat you’re not sure has ever been accomplished. You feel every optic in the place on you and Megatron. You’re pretty sure you’ve pissed off some friends tonight, or maybe even lost some. (It’ll be a long before it hits you that you might have gained some, unlooked-for, too.)

It’s not that you like Megatron. It’s not that you trust him. It’s not even that you forgive him. It’s that there are things you cannot allow to continue and still be able to look at yourself in the mirror. As it turns out, enforced malnutrition as a condition of prison release is one of them.

Swerve’s a good guy, and he leaves you alone about it after that. Even if he keeps hovering a little.

The silence doesn’t last long. There’s some muttering, some surprised exclamations. The mood has shifted, and you decide you don’t want to be here anymore. Setting down a tip, you take the human-sized walkway down to the ground and grab the scooter you use to get around the massive hallways. Leaving Megatron and the cubes behind.

- - -

author’s note: obviously this happens in a scenario where the human is not “in” on the whole fool’s energon thing. Wouldn’t have been told the secret.

[megtrns]

not to sound insane but i'm bedridden at the thought of being intimate with these giant bots — no, not interfacing (although that's also great), but rather the nervous brushing of fingers against servos, the firm press of skin against metal, the bend and curve of muscle to cradle the shape of their armors. 

fort max, who came to life in the crux of war and violence, wiping a stray eyelash from the corner of your eye, servos faintly trembling as they tentatively cross the space between your bodies. unsure and afraid of hurting you, he tries not to exert too much effort, constantly reminding himself that just because his mass was displaced doesn't mean he didn't have the strength to tear mechs apart with his bare hands. his optics, garnet red under the distant starlight, soften the moment you lean your cheek against his open palm; the skin under his touch, smooth and organic and alive with a warmth he didn't know existed. 

brainstorm running his digits playfully over your face — tickling your nose, your chin, your ear — causing you to giggle against the pillows as he conducts a thorough examination for the purpose of 'science', using it as an excuse to 'stimulate your nerves' and make you smile. here, face to face with him above the mattress, with laughter embracing your bodies like a weighted blanket, you let him gently trace his servos across your lips. the scientist, drunk on studying you. 

swerve letting you throw your arms around his neck — body melting against his chest plates, nose already buried at the crook of his neck cables to express your sympathies. you were one of the few people who see through the chink in his optimistic armor, always trying to cheer him up even before he even realized he needs the comfort. and how can he not feel better already, when you were looking up at him like he hung the stars for you? 

perceptor catching himself in awe of human irises and the myriad of colors they take after. he thinks it's beyond fascinating that, for some, the eyes reflect the color of their seas, cerulean blue dissolving against white foam. and other times even the forest, their strange and halcyon woodlands dense with emerald trees that sway with the wind. but most curious of all, he thinks, is the color of the earth : darker than rust yet radiant like the sun — a shade that doesn't naturally occur on his planet, swimming like liquid gold behind your eyes.

megatron, elusive and distant, anchored by the delicate weight of your fingers above his servos. when he saw your hand sliding across your lap from under the metal table — using the distraction caused by whirl in the middle of a crowded night at swerves — to move closer to his, megatron had thought about stopping you. he thought about retracting his hand to excuse himself back to his hab-suite. but the ex-warlord is tired and worn, powerless against the sight of your affections. so he let it happen — and it was fleeting, only a brush and barely a touch. yet it went straight to his spark like a jolt of electricity. just like that, under your fragile, tiny hands, the mighty has fallen. 

[threestarproductions]

Yall seem to like the last swervy art hehe so eat up!

I already posted this on bluesky [plz follow me there] but I said it before and I'll say it again...there needs to be more bent over swerve art

[robolvrr]

I loved your swerve x gn human bartender headcanons. Do you have any more headcanons for swerve x gn human if you do please share them ❤️

two bolts in a pod! ᴗ｡✷

swerve x gn! human reader headcanons.

thank you anon! enjoy.☆

"i.. you actually like listening to me talk?"

"... hey ratchet, check this one's processor! think they mighta hit it or somethin'..."

on the note of a human crew member it's common consensus that swerve is part of the many that have an intense interest in you as a species.

however, if you do happen to enjoy his company and questions and puns -- consider him your personal jester.

he gets so, so dramatic whenever you aren't fused at the hip joint. suddenly his shifts feel long and he's lamenting to his other cybertronian crew members which while is endearing to some in the way any lovesick trainwreck is, is incredibly annoying for others.

has helped make a stool at his bar for you, sized to scale.

there's this funky little staircase at the end of the table to help you up (since he doesn't want you squished in between mechs) that doesn't match at ALL.

spends an embarrassing time cycling stories ready to tell when asked. he frequently bites his fist because he thinks it's going to be boring, but you're in awe because hello, this is space and there are giant metal hot aliens.

you try to teach him to dance once. minibots are stockier, so seeing you bend and twist is as enchanting as it is perplexing.

it ends with him almost slipping and crushing half the bar but hey! your little laughs and snorts are more than enough to stroke a bruised ego.

brags. so much. when you develop nicknames and inside jokes.

"did you know that they call me and only me hotshot? huh? did ya?"

it's easy to just. lie to him regarding questions on humans. he's no means gullible but imagine he asks a normal question like "why is it called a tailbone" when you have an anatomy rundown and you confidently say you actually have a long, fluffy tail that only comes out every blue moon.

cue him researching through his limited sources (cough cough movies) to see where he missed THAT detail.

speaking of movies: will make you watch his collection before asking for yours.

enjoys lots of 80s sci-fi and cheesy b-thrillers.

expect him to whisper in your ear as you sit on his knees like a cute, nervous directors reel.

tries to get you to match those colorful clothes with his plating paint.

wh - romantic? him? nooo, it's just a friendly thing? a total cybertronian thing. uh huh. yeah. unless you'll know - wait no, don't clarify with brainstorm-

falls helm over pedes when you start giving him stuff. old, vintage bobbleheads. records and sports vanity jerseys and engraved shot glasses.

the courting gestures between your kinds are so different and alike it makes his coolant heat. you could be just beaming because you've alphabetically and flavor organized his stock records and he's here wondering how to sparkbond with a human without killing 'em.

my personal headcanon - he sits you on his shoulder when he's going around passing drinks. think of those bodybuilders and pretty models on the beach photoshoots. primus, he's down bad!

i see you getting spoiled rotten in all aspects, platonic and otherwise. he loves, loves all your reactions and expressions. has to sit in his habsuite and think about some venting exercises so he isn't buzzing in your presence all the time.